Really, since 2009

So apparently I am really good at procrastination, and have no follow through!  The initial intent of this so called "blog" was to keep family members up to date with Reece and all the fun stuff he has been doing.  Some of those family members are no longer here to actually read this, but I know that they are always watching, and know what he is up to.  My other thought was to keep this from his point of view.  I never realized how difficult that was, but I will admit, it was rather fun, for the time that it lasted.

So with that, I am changing my focus... this will be from me.  What will I talk about?  I have NO clue, whatsoever.  And I guess that is OK... right?!?!?  

This past several years have seemed to fly by, yet drag ooooohhhh so slowly. Much has happened.  Reece is almost 10, family dynamics have changed dramatically, and life, well life is one huge ball of ever changing craziness.

Putting my thoughts done on "paper" for others to read... isn't really the easiest thing for me to do.  So I hope that I will be able to write what is in my mind and in my heart.

My thoughts, lately have been on many different things.  The one I need to let out the most is that of my mom.  It will be 2 years this coming January since my mom passed away, the 10th to be exact.  Let's start from the beginning.  So for the past couple of years my mom hasn't felt very well.  Off and on of not feeling well, but nothing serious.  A lot of it I know is from the stress that came from a family situation, that I won't get into now.  That stress reeked havoc on her body, and spirit.  December 2014 was just like any other, for the most part.  Busy, but still looking forward to the holidays. We spent Christmas eve with my mom, and step family.  It was great.  Everyone was happy and enjoyed themselves immensely.  We parted, said our goodbyes and gave lots of loves, not knowing if we would be back up to Salt Lake the next morning, as we had our traditional Christmas breakfast with Nate and Amber, and the rest of the Feller family.  Not much would be happening at mom's house that next day anyhow, as all the kids had moved out and were mostly doing their own thing.  Little did I know that it would be the last time I physically saw her alive.

We talked on Christmas day.  She told me that Tyler had come over and they were just sitting around enjoying a quiet day.  The possibility of them leaving within the next day or two for the St. George house (or Grandma's little house to Reece) were possible, as it was mom and Bob's "tradition" to leave after the holidays.  What happened next seems like a blur... being winter time, Tyler always gets sick, and hanging out with mom, it didn't help.  She caught his cold. Not feeling well made mom want to get to St. George even quicker, as she was disconnected from everything down there.  Only her cell phone, TV and the dogs.  It was her get away.

Mom and I had talked several times about my birthday. She was upset that she might be gone, but I tried to reassure her it was alright. And on the 30th, she called saying that they were on their way. She wished me a happy birthday and we promised each other that when she came home, just her and I would go shopping and out to eat.  She was super sad that she wasn't there to get me a present... I told her it was alright, that there  wasn't much that I really wanted.  I told her to just be safe getting to St. George, to feel better and have some fun.

We spoke a few times over the next couple of days... Bob came back from St. George for work, and as always, left mom down there to get feeling better and relax. But she wasn't getting better.  They had gone by the doctors, who gave her TONS of medicine and sent her home.  With Bob gone, and not feeling well, she was unable to get groceries, to barely even take care of herself.  If I had known sooner I would have been down there, but I had no clue.  I spoke to her around the 6-8 a couple of times.  The first time was to let her know that my cousins ex-husband had died (I think that is what it was for), and that someone else we knew had passed away.  I could tell she was feeling terrible.  She could barely talk.  I had to tell her over and over that I would talk and she just had to listen.  Every time she would say something, she would have a terrible coughing fit.  The whole time she was still worried about my birthday present.  Silly mom.

I talked to my step dad that night, and he said that he was going to go down there and take care of her.  Thursday he left.  I called that night to make sure he had made it, and asked how mom was.  He said she was getting ready to go to the doctors and he would let me know.  Once at instacare, they took one look at her and sent her directly to the ER.  She had double pneumonia and was going to be admitted.  I didn't sleep super well that night, and even posted on FB that prayers were needed.  I don't normally do that, but I did regardless....

I went to work the following morning.  Called Bob and asked how she was doing.  He said she was sitting up and eating breakfast.  I could hear her talking in the background (apparently she was asking if her boy - Reece - was there on the other side of the phone).  I told him to tell her that I loved her and that I was planning on coming down for the weekend to see her and take care of her.  Dad (Bob) left to go home, shower, let the dogs out and throw the sheets into the washer so they would be clean when mom came home.  While he was gone he got a phone call.

Dad called me telling me that he was back at the hospital.  When he was gone he had gotten a call that there had been an "episode".  Mom had gotten up to use the bathroom and on her way back collapsed to the floor.  Someone came in to check on her, and that was when they found her.  She wasn't breathing and they were able to stabilize her, and that he should come back.  He told me that he was back there, waiting but that they wouldn't let him in to see her as she had had another episode.  He said that he would let me know.  

I was standing outside the office building.  Crying, trying to figure out how to get down there.  I was saying a lot of prayers, when I had this overwhelmingly emotional feeling come over me and I remember saying "No no no"  and pleading with Heavenly Father that she wouldn't die.  I walked into the building and back around to the little office we have in our room.  It was in there that my phone rang....

Life seemed to stop.

I don't remember the poor nurses name, or exactly what she said.  What I do remember is her asking if I was Bob's daughter, Cindy's daughter.  I said that I was.... She said that she was some sort of counselor something or other at the hospital. She said that my mom's heart had stopped... that they worked on her for 45 minutes but were unable to save her.  All the emotion, shock and sadness came out in one large, loud cry of agony.  At that very moment, two of my dear friends, Rachel Thompson and Amberlie Downard were by my side.  I don't know how they made it there so fast, but I needed them.  The nurse gave her condolences, and said that my dad wanted to talk to me.  I had to regain my composure... I told him that I would be down as soon as I could.  I was leaving and would be there.

I then had to call my siblings....   



While there was so much more that happened that day and the days to follow, I can honestly say that I KNOW that my Father in Heaven was with me.  I know that He sent many angels to be with me and my family as we internalized what this all meant and how our lives would change.

Fast forward to today.  We have finally had an offer on my mom's house.  I was told that someone would buy it and not to worry.  The door of this chapter in my life is coming to a close.  Both my brothers are making new plans for their lives.  Troy wants to move to Hawaii, while Tyler wants to go back to Alaska and be a State Trooper.  I know that they need to do what is best for them. I know that my parents will always be with each of us, and that we are never alone.  There isn't a day that goes by, that I don't miss my parents.  The times of going to call my mom, on my way home from work, are becoming less frequent, but I still want to.  

Will I ever be the same?  No.  Will things continue to get better?  Yes, I believe it will.  I can NEVER give up.  I have to keep my spirit strong. I need to stay close to my Father in Heaven and my older Brother, Jesus Christ, so that on the days that I can't "make it" they are there to guide me and lift me.  I know that families really can be together FOREVER.  I want to be with my family again.  The time will come when I can see them, hug them and thank them, in person, for all that they made me to be.

Burbbled words.

Mom says its her turn to talk for a moment:
Hi everyone! Okay so for the past 3,4 5 or something months Reece has been asking for something. I can usually figure it out, like these words:

Bugglegum
SpongeBob Squid Squid
Aladar (in relation to ALLLLLL dinosaurs)
"Jesus' House" (the church building)
La Koo Queen (Lightening McQueen)
"daddy's juice" (Johns NOS or a coke)

There are a few others that I can understand when he asks for them, it is just that one word that for the life of me...
I have asked Reece on several occasions what he "needs", wants to eat, what he wants to do, and have also asked this question in several areas in the house as well as at others... Still no idea what it was.
The word he says is:

CIRCLEBUGS

Any guesses? Yeah, exactly! I have even asked him to show me what that was, but he just stares at me like, "I don't know what it means either, how can I show you?"
BUT!!! Yes, there is a but! Today, Reece and I went to the store to grab hotdogs for dinner (yum....) and we were passing a display and he yells... "CIRCLEBUGS!" Oh my was I so excited!!!!!!!!!! I stopped immediatly and asked him to point to what he found and this is what he pointed to...



Yeah, I don't think I would have ever guessed it either! For a kid who's favorite breakfast is "eggies" I was surprised that he has been asking for Corn Pops. My mind is a peace, I can inform all of my other parent friends that I have solved the missing link in Reece's vocabulary.
Thank you Smith's for displaying the answer to one of my lifes mysteries, and with that I can sleep tonight and bid you all.....Good Night.

Rock boy!

Here I am! Mom says its April and she says she is sorry. She has not helped me for a very long time and I have grown so much. Mom says she doesn't know where I should start because Christmas and my birthday have all gone by!
I am 3 years old and very busy. I have so much to explore that mom keeps saying she is going crazy. She says that I need to tell everyone about my exploring, so here goes.
One of my favorite places to go is to Grandma and Grandpa Bowens house. The have a big back yard and water with fishies in it. They have 2 doggies, woof woof, named Zoe and Piper that love to lick my face. I think it is funny but dad thinks its gross. Grandmas backyard also has lots of rocks. I love rocks. I love to put them in my pocket. I love to put them in my mouth. But best of all I love to throw them, big ones, and small ones. If there is water near by, it needs more rocks inside it, and I have to help it get those rocks!
Mom has been sick and has owies on her tummy and she needed band-aids for them, and she couldn't go to work because of her owies, so she got to stay home with me and dad. One day mom took me to grandmas so I could play and she could help grandma with some work, so I stayed downstairs with grandma. Grandma was reading a book so I decided that I had to put some rocks in the water outside, so that is what I did. I walked right out the back door and found me all the rocks I could carry and gave the water all the rocks it wanted. Boy, was I having fun! I even got all muddy. The next thing I know, mom is coming outside to get me. She was NOT happy with me, and even started to cry. She said that I can't go by the water all by myself, and that I had to go with grandma, grandpa, mommy or daddy. Mom says she doesn't want me to get hurt and have to live with Heavenly Father yet, so I have to be careful and mind. I told her I would mind. Mom said she hopes so.

Hurry mom!

(Hi this is Kim... For some reason I seemed to neglect ADDING this post...so I will just have to do it now, because to add to it, well that would take forever, so I think I will just start a new one after this...)

I think my mom forgot about me. It has been so long and I have grown so big! I don't me-member everything I have done, but I will try.
I have a big tree outside my house, and I went to see it. There were NO leaves on the tree! I turned to mommy and said "Where it go mom? I'nt know? They hiding?" Mom said they all fell on the ground. Silly leaves.
Grandma and Grandpa Bowen called to take me, and Seph (Seth), Simum (Simon) and Jiwean (Jillian) to find PUNKINS! We all got out of the car at the punkin place and they were EVERYWHERE! I liked the baby ones the best. I wanted to take them all home but mom wouldn't let me. We climbed on the big ones and I tried to carry some too, but they were heffy. The people had a car for us to "drive" and we all took turns pretending. The man from inside came and took the key for some reason, but said it was OK for us to still play. We put hundreds of pumpkins in our wagons to buy (there were about 10 or so...says mom) and headed home. A few days later we got to go to Grandma and Grandpa's to make funny faces in our punkins and touch the slimy yucky stuff inside them, EWWW! It was so yucky, and didn't taste good either. I decided it was funner to play with toys then punkins.
Dad came home from work a few days later and took me to my mom's work. I got to dress up, mom says I was a Jed-eye, whatever that is, I was just excited to have a sword! Dad and mom kept saying something about Lifesavers, but I didn't see any? At mom's work I saw lots of people and they gave me LOTS of candy and said I was cute, and they liked my Lifesaver... I told them it was a sword but they just didn't understand. I learned that if I said TrickTreat to everyone, they would give me candy. Wow! It must be a magic word. After I got all my candy, we went to a party with lots of funny dressed people, mom said it was her work party, OK...
That night after dinner, dad said it was time to go, and off we went. Once again, the magic word got me candy, and LOTS of it!!! However it doesn't really work right now because I say it and people just smile, no candy... where's my sword? I must need that too...

Drivin'

So Desi has a Jeep that I LOVE! It plays music and can go forward and backward. Last year, I was too little to reach the pedal and Desi got to drive, but this year I'm BIGGER!
For some reason Desi didn't think it was such a good idea that I drive. I guess she didn't like the fact that it was HER Barbie Jeep and HER front yard, and I was behind the wheel. I know it had nothing to do with my amazing driving skills, either.
My mom says she is glad that the Jeep only goes slow, and she said something to the fact of being scared for me to turn 16, I don't know why she would say that! I just hope my mom isn't standing there yelling "Say Cheese, Say Cheese" whenever that day comes.

Answer to a question

A question was asked:

Alisha has left a new comment on your post:

Cute Videos...How does he say neighbor?

My mommy wants to answer this question...Here she is...
Hi everyone. I really wish that I had some video for this because Reece has decided that it is "funny" to unlock the deadbolt, and regular lock and sneak out the door. He has been doing this for a few months, and it has scared Mom and Dad a few time cuz he will just be GONE! The only thing we have been able to do is get a chain to lock the door, his head just won't fit through the crack... but if we forget (and here is the answer to the question) and he gets out, he runs out side, rain or shine, naked or clothed, laughing his head off straight to our neighbors, yelling "Lisha, Lisha!!!" I am glad that she shares a wall with us and he knows exactly where to go. To add to it, when he gets to her door, most of the time he will knock and yell, "Come in!".